Deadly disastrous delusion

I was sitting looking at the foggy morning sky and thinking about the recent wave of change unrest and strange occurrences from my perspective. Specifically the violent protests having broken out recently, like those folks at the White House. Now anyone who knows me knows I stay away from the networks for my peace and psychological balance but I learn of big events through friends and family. About a week ago I opened the door from where I sleep when I’m at my aunt’s house and was stopped by the seen! I subsequently became interested in analyzing the people around me’s response to it 😁. At any rate it gave me a good chance to see what effect this psycho-bomb had on everyone else, ya know what their thoughts started doing🤯. Right off the bat I noticed comparisons to the BLM ✊🏾 protests last year in the wake of actual police violence. As you could imagine I resented the comparison. This was crazy af and orchestrated out of total and blinding depression thinly veiled by anger. Out of complete disregard for each other’s lives and some weird death wish because they just cannot bear to live in an equal and loving society. So there I said that. Things have changed since last year and even more since 2019. BLMs actions in 2020 where an outward representation of something I have felt happening for most of my life a deepening of equality. Really driving in the message that inequality and even systemic racism will not be tolerated. Now I know enough about human psychology to make some valid connections between history the present and the behaviors I am aware of. Mostly I am an empath and I feel all the feelings including collective ones and every once in a while I can feel a decision that will create a big event. I felt this in the middle of the night about 4 months ago but I can’t make sense of this stuff most of the time. There are some people very shaken by the dismantling of white privilege and its mechanisms such as systematic racist structures. Some of these people will purport to have brown friends and family they love and that’s the thing! It’s not as simple as skin color anymore some people have become understandably very comfortable and very wealthy on the strength of feeling better than or more worthy than someone else. Living very well under an image maintained by media and marketing while stereotyping and marginalizing some. The fact is there are an awful lot of people very attached to privilege some unknowingly and some knowing well. To feel equality slipping in and privilege based on nothing slip away is very upsetting for these folks because they are so use to operating under their perception of being privileged. Whereas nepotism and racist standards kept things inequitable for a long while now it is easier to share information, highlighting these tactics. Now there is almost nowhere for anyone to hide behavior like this so people are more careful both because they know more and because they don’t want to get exposed for ignorance. What these people need to realize though is that for those in the most powerful positions it all has been more about what you have and who you know for a while and nepotism just kept the more coveted positions in society for whiter folks. They were never going to get much for said privilege anyway except maybe some nicer treatment from someone ignorant here and there. In this day and age if you want to excel you have to actually be skilled. The problem is that same old separatists conditioning that step by step process of installing fears and misinformation so we think in terms of us and them. The stereotypes are perpetuated by media thereby keeping them strongly reinforced so people go out and connect with each other under the preconceptions of these stereotypes, not hearing or seeing others as they really are. It prevents us from seeing how same we are, how we are human above all identity politics. Keeps us from seeing that obvious common thread of fear and anger. I have noticed more diversity in media lately by I also don’t consume very much of it and I think this happens as leadership changes from generation to generation. When I take this entire period into consideration I see a theme. All the depth and being forced to look at the dark and murky, so we can’t hide our issues from ourselves anymore has been so we fix them. I feel it is our universe roughing us up a bit to show us that we can’t keep treating each other the way we have. We have collectively had more time to think and process where we are going wrong. This time has highlighted how badly we have been treating the environment. It has showed why wealth disparity is problematic. Most striking to me is we are seeing how the delusions we had developed the stereotypes we had programmed into our minds are deadly. The message is clear for me we must leave behind that old us vs them paradigm for survival honestly how is this knowledge not innate in all of us. I didn’t distinguish differences in skin until someone else showed me how to do that. That wasn’t natural to me, I don’t think it is natural at all. When I was about 8 I had a friend named Josh who got mad at our teacher and called her a slur in conversation with me. He was venting to his friend and it was like he didn’t realize I would identify enough with Mrs Cooper for it to bother me. He looked surprised when he saw me reel back in shock and hurt. I will never forget because I learned something that day while losing my innocence. He expected me to identify more with him, so much so that the slur would mean nothing to me. He wasn’t the real definition of racist because few people are. He didn’t think he was better or more powerful than Mrs cooper when he said what he did. He was lowered, disempowered, angry and maybe hurt because the powerful adult had thwarted his will somehow, she had chastised him. I knew what had happened immediately. He felt sameness inside like me but he was angry and regurgitated that response programmed into him by his elders. He sabotaged our friendship as he had been programmed to do and that is how racist divisionary fuckery has endured for so long. I believe most Americans have had this moment where identity politics were forced on us often low key painfully. I have been disappointed in myself in the past for not standing up to it strongly enough. For saying something or thinking something division oriented because it is hard to stay neutral when you see this happening around you and you’re angry! I know. I always come around to just being a human though above any of the possible little variations. Variations so trivial we might not notice unless we have been programmed to.💜

🌸💗12/17/20 REBIRTH 💗🌸

I was born Karenga Gequion Ocean to a very young mother, a teenager in fact. My mom kept me and we started this magical life together. We lived in a cute trailer and had pancakes almost every morning because they were my favorite breakfast…until I found waffles! After a joyous 3 years my siblings started to come along and life got real. I had to work with these other humans. Figure them out and help them figure things out so we could learn our most valuable first lessons. Socialization, cooperation and that most divine one, seeing oneself reflected back by others. Families are funny in that we become each other most strongly although we all have our individual path and therefore our own needs. I knew something about myself that I couldn’t share with the adults because I didn’t feel free to, I didn’t see how I could help myself. Over my years I learned I had gender dysphoria. Although I felt there was a mistake, like my body had betrayed me I held on to my faith and watched for the signs, the flow of my life. I saw it was my unique journey, it was perfect, staged with tests lessons and gifts for me! On 12/17/2020 I had SRS surgery and was healed of a lifetime of gender dysphoria and all the embarrassment frustration and hurt that comes with it. I must say the experience has been amazing. A tidal wave of emotion flowed from my heart after the dressings were removed and I saw myself for the first time RENEWED ABSOLVED. It was a pretty mind boggling experience! Suddenly this lifelong all encompassing issue corrected 🤯😭🥰⭐️🙏🏾🤯 I purged so much baggage at once. It ripped through me and I cried so much from down on my knees I thought I might pass out! I have been quiet because I haven’t been able to put into words the meaning of all this so I stopped trying and just shared. I feel amazing, OVERWHELMED WITH GRATITUDE. I’m still processing everything emotionally and psychologically I’m integrating. I’m Gemma Karena Ocean and this is my story.💜

I’m not bored. I’m doing nothing.

My intire life like many I have struggled with the situation of doing nothing. Doing nothing and being ok with it is very much frowned upon in our society and I guess I get it to a degree. We do need to sustain our lifestyle and for most that requires work of some kind. Beyond that though why are we taught to be almost overly ambitious. We watch each other and compare ourselves as we were taught to by authority figures since early in life. We brag to each other about aaaall the dope shit that we are doing and what does it get us? Love? Nope. More friends? Not the real kind. More things? Maybe but will these make us happy? Absolutely most likely not. I suffered exhaustion burnout and a legitimate breakdown 3 years ago because I was between jobs (although I had one lined up and everything) and would not allow myself and my lifestyle at the time would not allow me to sit still and work through all the traumas I endured throughout my life. Traumas I suffered like everyone else because I was weakend by not feeling as right or good as some of my counterparts. Would you believe I have actually had someone I admired (not a family member) tell me out and out that I was not ambitious enough. Although I had moved to the opposite end of the eastern seaboard became a licensed professional and attended several colleges all while working to survive in cities with higher cost of living than any other I had ever lived in before I left home. One being Boston one of the most expensive cities to live in in this country! I will never forget how I died inside the almost panic it produced in me. Needless to say it was one of several things that ruined my view of this person as a mentor. The worst part of it was this woman was enduring grave illness that she told me herself she thought was brought on by extreme stress and worry. I won’t go into details but in the short time that I rented a room in her house she talked to me in depth about uncontrollable situations that she tried with so much effort to control. I saw her worry about what her boyfriend was doing to an extreme degree even asking me to drive while she spied on him which I was willing to do because I hate liars and people who disregard other’s feelings but when I asked about causes for suspicion she couldn’t really give me one only causes for insecurity. My point is over ambition especially when misdirected into something like controlling uncontrollable things will only cause us to disappoint and turn in on ourselves because we can never accomplish that. There is as much of a place for doing nothing as there is a place for ambition. These are the times in life where we often get our best inspirations when we can hear that little voice of divinity or our higher self or whatever you call it whisper to us. I have done a lot of healing doing nothing. 💜

Card of the day.

Today could find us deepening our position as the master of our own desires. We see now that our own will is the most powerful force in our lives because when we are in alignment whatever we desire is what is actually for us. Deepening our ability to slow down our response to things that might effect our behavior. We are strengthening temperance as a practice in our lives learning to choose appropriate and beneficial reactions automatically. This imbues us with strength and the ability to persevere. We are powerhouses with the ability to overcome obstacles and break through resistance. 💜 #kingoffire #temperance #nineoffire #flower #yellow #daisy #quartz #seaglass #amethyst #tarotreading #mars #neptune #pluto

Card of the day.

Today is a powerful one for sure! We are are experiencing joy in a real way. Seeing our blessings more clearly and realizing where we have won and made big gains. We are riding high emotionally because we are crossing over in to some very positive change. We are releasing some blockages or some negative thought patterns because we have come to some revelations, some realizations about ourselves our thought patterns our life. This might blow the lid off something changing the way that see our life forever. Whatever it is imbues us with a power we may never have felt at least not for a while. This process, this event gives us the strength to persevere through any obstacles because we see now that we have done just that and won blessings and abundant, expansive feelings. Enjoy today these feelings will be quite nice. 💛 #nineoffire #thetower #tenofwater #flower #aventurine #quartz #crystal #tarotspread #tarotreading #jupiter #pluto #rosequartz

Card of the day.

Our minds are on fire today! We are feeling mentally strong, like a bright pupil. We are learning and discovering new spaces in our minds and uncovering ourselves to a deeper degree. We’re able to explore ideas and options from a stance of freedom, of free spiritedness allowing our minds to take us to new places. We are at home in this mental space feeling safe to allow our minds to wander because we have peace and wisdom on our side. We have access to some peaceful stable energy that complements soul searching and contemplation very well. We may even be drawn to meditation or other spiritual practice which is a wonderful way to use this energy, this headspace. Although we might be questioning our ability to persevere we become aware that this only allows us to deepen this quality strengthening us against life’s trials and mental challenges. Today is a great day to undertake those receptive spiritual practices to explore those deeper questions and listen to the answers from the all than is. 💚 #tarot #pageofire #nineoffire #thehermit #flower #quartz #crystal #citrine #tarotreading

Card of the day.

Today we are feeling lift from yesterday’s energy. We might become aware of a romantic opportunity or could be very much focused on the more creative and intuitive parts of ourselves. We might be flirting with a love interest or a creative endeavor but what ever it is has us feeling more dreamy and loving. We are getting clear on our direction and exploring different avenues for our success. This is a great time for us to take stock of our thought patterns and decide what is working for us and what is not. We may have felt some dissatisfaction recently with a situation but we are ready to put the disappointment behind us and give it another shot. This may mean leaving something that doesn’t work behind and giving ourselves another shot. Moving into something better for us with renewed hope.

I can’t remain silent any longer.

There is a world wide system of control and manipulation upon us some call It the matrix some call it satan and other names, this is a matter of belief system but is irrelevant. It exploits us through psychological manipulation and uses us ALL against each other. It can interface with our brains in a way that is undetected by most but I can hear it and there are many others who can as well referred to recently as targeted individuals. It is what scared me half to death 4 years ago. It can plan years into the future to create disparaging experiences aka triggers using our traumas and psychology against us. It has been around for at least 60 years and lately I have come to think it may have existed much longer. Centuries to millennia. This explains the rash of mass murders, terrorism and suicides as it drives people insane by isolating them and making them hostile toward society. Feeding people storylines and disinformation that creates paranoia and distain is another factor. They tried this with me but I broke free thanks to my family and friends. It uses highly advanced but likely ancient spirit science and technology. It can induce physical and emotional sensations that are so realistic one would not know the difference and if they are unpleasant they can be unbearable. It has exploited my psychological trauma surrounding sexual abuse and my identity in a way that has made certain connections incompatible for a while but I promise I will fight with all I have as I have been my entire life and I will not let them win. Until we are connected again my friends all the best to you and yours and may you fly free of these influences. With love and always your sister.

GKO❤️

Card of the day.

In liew of picturing the cards themselves today this is a photo from yesterday. I have seen this scene 1000 times as who I am today and yet not quite. Makes me realize how life is not about changing but uncovering, confirming the truth of who we are.

6/12/20 Rebalance is the word for today’s work. We are rehashing the parts and pieces to our lives figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Even more so we may be revising the order of things in our lives and restructuring it to facilitate our greater desires. We may be a little bit shakey regarding our succes at first and we may be feeling wholly unsure. Something might have happened that has made us feel a little less our usual warm and sunny self. This may have us stiffling our rays so to speak. Dulling our shine a little while we process all the change that has already happened and integrate this newness that comes from new knowing. Whatever form this is taking we know that coming to some recent realizations have reoriented us for the better. This has recentered us in our purpose and reminded us why we must see culmination. Why the coming together of the factors creating the life we desire is inevitable. The lives we lead need our way of being as much as we need our lives the way it will be, for this is BALANCE.❤ #theworld #thesun #twoofpentacles #culmination #completion #infinity #Jupiter #saturn #peace #selfactualization

Card of the day.

6/11/20 Today we sit in our power. We have the knowledge that we have everything we need to create whatever our heart desires whether it be circumstance or object. We are like the magician, true alchemists able to combine the elemental forces and materialize when we so choose. Our subconscious mind is ablaze with the thrill of accomplishment. We have successfully risen above our stuggles and made an accomplishement that has given us the key to our success in our life or some specific circumstances. This accomplishment may even bring us some degree of noteriety but definitely recognition and validation of our new status. These changes is our status have created inevitable change in our life circumstances regardless of whether we see this change happen or not. Call this a revelation one that shows us we always were able to move toward the things that make us glow and sparkle✨ Sit in this knowledge from a place of strength then follow your heart. It wont steer you wrong now.❤ #themagician #butterfly #epiphany #thetower #flower #aventurine #amethyst #quartz #goodvibes